For the past few days I’ve been quite cranky, easily irritable and overall irascible. In fact, I’ve had all the reasons not to be so; that is why in my heart I kept being the exact opposite of this human-contact-blocking, self-defense-device I concocted. But strangely enough I somehow managed to display only this self-defense-device of mine, like I was proud of it or something. Which I was not, for God’s sake, why would I be?
This particular week and this particular crankiness of mine got my thinking — even more than I usually do — about the most overly-used, no-kind-of-logic, dumbest lines people who hook up for the rest of their lives, who tie the knot (not knowing how dumb they sound) traditionally say when referring to the wedding day: “This is the best day of our lives!“…or… ♥”Our most happiest!”♥ and ♥”The most extraordinary ever!”♥ Happy is such a vague term. Good, bad, best, worse, they all are just as vague. During the same day, you can be truly happy for a number of reasons and just as sad for another bunch of reasons. A day can be a good day when compared to other, worse days, and it can also feel like the worst ever, compared to those in which you feel great overall. It is the same with the wedding day: it is not “the best day of your life”, it is merely a day which, in fact, can be very, very exhausting!
Get a hold of yourself, people! Get real! If the wedding day was indeed the best day of one’s life, as it usually occurs (for the first time, mind you) pretty early in an adult’s life, what would that make all the following days feel like? I’d say that the rest of his or her miserable days of existence — while slaving for a company, trying to put some food on the table, washing insane amounts of dirty clothes and generally having a crappy, boring, repetitive and not fulfilling life — would feel, I don’t know, pretty pointless? Pretty dull? If you’ve already went through your best day, how would the rest of them feel like compared to it?
If my best day — or week, or month, as they are of course just as valid in the race for “besting” the rest of them, for having the honour of being called the best ever: “bestest” —- were to occur now, in my twenties, I would not want to live anymore. For real! It would feel like a futile enterprise. If it occurred in my fifties or so, I would still want to live some more, yeah, ’cause it would feel like I worked in order to get to that particular point in my life and I’d still want to continue experiencing other, albeit less thrilling days. But I don’t think that the best day of one’s life can be “guessed”…it is not set in stone to be a particular day (as in the wedding day) or to materialize itself in a particular way. The best day of YOUR life comes and goes without you realizing that it was the best one. And that’s the beauty of it! 🙂
There may be multiple, equally satisfying “best” days during one’s life. They may be different, antipodal even, they may not have nothing in common or everything in common. They may even be copies of the same schedule, the same gratifying events happened once more. But come on, don’t say that your five weddings were,«all of them», your best days! Just…don’t! *continues further down*⇓
There are a lot of people who agree with me, but they are still a minority faced against a vast majority who does not. That majority would laugh in my face, no comment! It’s like people are brainwashed into thinking that wedding days (and thus marriages, in their entirety) are God given and that two people are united solely by God’s will. Fact is that, more often than not, two people are united by their own volition, ’cause of the dumbest, craziest, most idiotic reasoning possible. It is they and they alone who choose to be “united in marriage”, not God. He would not, could not and should not make such stupid match-ups! A wedding day can be the best day of one’s life, if it is meant to be so, but while living it you would not realize that it was so. You would think that, well, it was great, but you would certainly hope for more to come! More of the same or better to come! A healthy mind would not wish upon itself to experience the peak of its existence and then plunge into recession, awaiting death. It’s a pity that there are not so many healthy minds to speak of!
Generally speaking, relationships are a mess. That is why one may find the greatest day of one’s life occurring while single or, at any rate, far from one’s life partner. That is, if the superlative best in “best day” could be quantified, measured, calculated, at least estimated; which as I previously said, it most realistically could not be. You may be climbing the Qomolangma, der Stirn des Himmels, namely Mount Everest, you may be in some ®God-forsaken-not-fully-explored-tenebrous-scares-the-hell-out-of-me© cave on some lost tropical island, you may be in outer-space looking down on us mortals (or, like I was at some point, flying over the partially fog-blanketed Alpine Range at dawn) and you might feel like one of those moments is the greatest of your life. The single greatest thing you’ve experienced. And in such places there’s usually no wife in sight, and even if she were, you would not be able to undress her there, not even in your mind, because that brain of yours would rather enjoy the miracle of nature than stare at some curves you’d already seen time and again! Not that they’re not appetizing! 🙂
Some might find their best day occurring in their eighties, while watching a stupid show on TV, their partners alongside them, both waiting for the following day to come, which in fact, is said to be your gold wedding anniversary. The best part about it might not have anything to do with the festive following day, when your kids and your nephews would join you in a joyful, but awfully tiresome party. It might just be that quiet evening, the eve of your anniversary, when you turn off the TV and start telling your wife/your husband that you’d never have imaged that you would last so long together. And sooo happily at that! You’re too fatigued to bang your wife any more, of course, and well, it would not feel right any more, but you love her just as much as you did in the first year of your love story. And you’d realize that the best thing has been happening for you continuously, for years and decades! *continues further down*⇓
When you look back there was no peak day, no best day, no almighty wedding-day. In fact, your wedding day was kinda’ crappy, the cake was ruined, the dress was stained after five minutes in church, some of the guests were behaving like two-year-olds and pretty much everything else seemed sooo wrong at the time. You could’ve though that you were wrong for one another, that that was God’s way of telling you to cancel the wedding, to stop the damn thing which you made up out of thin air. Some people even had the audacity to tell you just that, that you had made a terrible mistake — as if they were some kind of ×symbols & signs interpreting experts×! Fuck them, even if such “experts” were to exist, your marriage turned out to be an extraordinary one, so they should be ashamed of their “expertise”! You had not just a single best day, a one time occurrence, a mistake-of-nature turned right. You’ve had hundreds of them…and you didn’t even work for them all that hard! Everything came naturally! So of course you and your spouse believe that very evening in your eighties to be the best day of your lives.
The actual gold wedding anniversary was just as crappy as all the other weddings anniversaries you’ve celebrated, starting from the actual wedding and continuing with the cotton, paper, leather, fruit & flowers, wood, sugar, woolen, salt, cooper, tin, silk & fine linen, crystal, china, silver, pearl, coral, ruby, sapphire wedding anniversaries… & of course it was crappy, you are old now and you spent the whole night talking about your lives, recollecting past events, talking about so many great events you went through that you barely slept that night. So when the guests arrived next morning, you seemed like two typically dead-tired old human-beings who could not stand on their feet without help from one of your offsprings. If you were to reach the next anniversary on the wedding anniversaries calendar, the emerald one, you’d probably feel even worse…God forbid you’d reach your engraved marble anniversary, the 90th, as it would feel like…well, like you were both made of granite. Tombstones in their own right. There’s a reason why the 85th one is named Wife’s Birthstone: it’s not because she was born on that day, but because she (and you) should be in your graves after such a long life, and, dunno, for those who believe in reincarnation, be reborn somewhere else, somehow else.
I’m not afraid, ashamed or any of that mushy stuff to say that tears are falling down my cheeks as I’m writing this. You know, this kind of relationship, where two people love each other for such a long time, is in fact so rare that I kinda idealize it. Divinize it. I feel like I deserve one (not that I know why should I be deserving it, what is it that makes me sooo mighty worthy…), but I somehow feel like I do. I probably won’t experience such a fairy-tale, in fact, I’m pretty sure it won’t be the case, but a man is allowed to wish for something, right? I can fantasize about a phantasmagoria fantasy, a phantasm of another world where such a thing could materialize, can I not? I’m into fantasy & all that stuff, if it’s not clear by now…
I just wish to thank the one who made my past week feel so good and at the same time apologize to my sister for my being so grouchy. It is not like I can explain it, even I, the most rational, logical, level-headed of beings (I’m being sarcastic!).
Cheers & be happy! Now! Anytime! Forever!
PS: not all wedding cakes look like the following one…in fact, most are crappy, artificial, no-passion-put-into-them kind of cakes! Better to have a watermelon slice like the one below than one of those hatchejob-of-cakes! ——btw, the “ℑ” in the title stands for imaginary. The best day of your life is a lie, it’s just your imagination! Grow up! 🙂