I don’t need ‘tcha

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Knowing how to take care of yourself and the ability to say no are paramount in the life of a healthy individual. A woman who says no to a relationship but who knows how to do it without the man asking for one not getting hurt (all that much) can be even sexier than one who drops in the arms of any man. Our society is so twisted that it’s just a short walk to falling into the trap of regarding a woman who too easily accepts to enter relationships as an easy woman. Better to be a strong woman convinced about what you want than to fall into the former category. Not wanting any relationships at all, at the moment, is being…well…me for the past few years…so nothing too fancy or too amazingly new, thank you very much! 🙂 ⇒⇓

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I am lonely, that’s true. But I’d rather have someone with which to communicate everything for years to come than have some hurried up relationship and end up not talking to that person again. It’s extremely difficult to be friends with certain women, but it may very well be worth it and bring much more joy than a relationship which could prove to be ephemeral. My brain accepts, understands and does not contest the validity of such a judgment, even if my heart is not so sure…not at all, actually. But since I’m a cerebral creature I’ll have to tell my heart to fuck off as she’s not calling the shots.

Finding an extraordinary woman is difficult, but finding a true friend is equally so. I’m told that I should end a friendship in which I want more and the other does not. But that would be cowardice and foolishness. I never said that I need a relationship, I said that it would (probably) be a good thing. I’m cerebral enough to keep myself in check and accept a friendship which I deeply desire and about which I think would bring me a lot of joy…for an indefinite amount of time. One that’s not likely to stumble upon fights & stuff.

So I’m content. I’m a good guy like that.

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Stop being sad & be awesome instead!

 

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“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself dissapears.” Marc Aurelius

Each of us has his or her reasons for being sad. Sometimes. But there are people who are sad most of the time. To a certain degree, again, sometimes, it’s understandable, but being in a continuous state of self pity ain’t gonna help nobody. Neither the person in cause nor his friends & family. Emotions such as sadness, sorrow, lack of self worth, hopelessness, melancholia, gloominess, heavyheartedness, depression → they are all connected. Apart of being quite synonymic in nature. But it is we who connect them, who allow it to happen. I’m not saying that there are no sad things in the world or that you’re supposed to laugh at your mother’s funeral. Which is actually not that bad an idea if she was really old and helpless, you know? You could laugh ’cause it all ended for her, that she’s free. You could feel happy for her. There’s no reason for you to feel abandoned anymore, ’cause if your mother was old enough, so are you. Get real!

Anyhow, that is difficult, I understand. But you should try and see the glass as half full, not half empty. The truth is that the glass may even be completely empty, for some, at some point, but glasses can be filled & if broken, new ones can be bought. You could even make one of your own with your own two hands, just like I sad in the previous post from today; you could if you had the willpower. It doesn’t take geniuses to blow into a bell glass through a blowpipe and create a new, self-customized glass. It actually never takes geniuses to do anything. It takes willpower. A will-less genius would not be able to invent anything, while a strong-willed but rather common individual with no apparent brilliantness can invent a lot of stuff, if only he or she put his or her brains to work.

Happiness is a strange concept. One could say that it doesn’t exist. One could say that it’s too damn difficult to reach and even more difficult to maintain it as a continuous state of happiness. But I’m not using the word like some do, like it was some kind of idealistic and too close to perfection state of being. That does not exist, indeed it doesn’t, a life in which everything is perfect and you’re so happy that you could explode. Or implode. But as I previously said in my post about perfection, an achievable perfection exists, as well as an achievable happiness. And a pretty constant one at that, mind you! It’s difficult to keep seeing the glass half full all the time, I realize, but it can be done. Lesser people than me managed it.

What does achievable perfection mean? Well, most of those really impressive buildings around the globe we see and admire are perfect designs. Perfect by design. Completely mathematical. They are not indestructible or forever lasting, but with care and a little bit of luck, a Gothic cathedral such as the one I simply love, the one in Strasbourg, le Cathédrale Notre-Dame de Strasbourg/ Straßburg Münster, can survive intact even more than some of the most impressive skyscrapers out there. It is perfect in nature, as much as the Pyramids are or as the natural world is. The natural world is not indestructible, we all know that, but in many ways it is perfection incarnated. Such as your body is. It may get sick, but it is so complex that you’d barely be able to call it anything else than perfect. That is why I strongly believe in an achievable perfection, ’cause we live in such a complex but still manageable world and have so amazing bodies. If these can be managed, then that achievable perfection could indeed exist, be reached, be maintained. Be part of our lives. So, if that can really be reached, why shouldn’t we step in an achievable constant state of happiness? I’m not talking about religious stuff or anything like that. I’m talking about down-to-earth, no nonsense happiness, not preaches, dreams, philosophical or psychological stuff. I hate that. I’m not talking like that. I have not studied such nonsense & I don’t intend to! What I’m saying is “enjoy the little things in life and you’ll see the bigger picture!” ⇒⇓

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“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.’
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.” Chinese Proverb

Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters sums it all up pretty good as well:

So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don’t just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

All that I’ve previously said applies to relationships as well: if one is not happy while being by itself, single, one cannot hope to become happy because of someone else. In fact, the unhappy partner could even bring down the spirits of the happy partner and who’d want that? If you don’t feel happy enough, if you’re insecure and not able to distinguish your qualities from your faults, then don’t get in relationships! Period. Get yourself and your life straight first and only then go chasing skirts (if you’re a man; I’m not encouraging women to do the same, if ya’ know what I mean). It takes two happy enough people to maintain an equilibrated relationship. If one falls into depression at some point than, yeah, then it is ok to raise their spirits. But not for one to enter a relationship with the hope of being ‘transformed’. It don’t work like that, no siree!

About getting your life straight: “It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” Lucille Ball «» Yeah, figure it out how to be happy and then jump for joy, jump into relationships, jump all over…just don’t jump off a cliff, as you’d have done in your previous unhappy, almost suicidal state! :))

I’ve got my own reasons to be sad. I’ve had a lot in the past and right now I can think of a couple. But fuck them! I’m learning French & it feels like the best thing I could do; I’m trying to develop my writing skills in English and it feels satisfying; I’m spending some time doing something I’ll not talk about here, but which feels even better. See, I’m happy because of as few as these three reasons alone! In fact, I could think of more, ’cause of course, they exist.

In order to be able to see the better things in life, listen to Vivaldi’s Seasons. It is  so refreshing and it’s like the composer’s trying to say something to his audience without using words. If you can’t hear his message right now, repeat the process over the course of time and maybe you will. I know that you will!

For Romanian language speakers, listen to this.

Life’s great, enjoy it like Bobby McFerrin!

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ℑ “The best day of thine life” ℑ … yeah, right…!

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For the past few days I’ve been quite cranky, easily irritable and overall irascible. In fact, I’ve had all the reasons not to be so; that is why in my heart I kept being the exact opposite of this human-contact-blocking, self-defense-device I concocted. But strangely enough I somehow managed to display only this self-defense-device of mine, like I was proud of it or something. Which I was not, for God’s sake, why would I be?

This particular week and this particular crankiness of mine got my thinking — even more than I usually do — about the most overly-used, no-kind-of-logic, dumbest lines people who hook up for the rest of their lives, who tie the knot (not knowing how dumb they sound) traditionally say when referring to the wedding day: “This is the best day of our lives!“…or… ♥”Our most happiest!”♥ and ♥”The most extraordinary ever!”♥ Happy is such a vague term. Good, bad, best, worse, they all are just as vague. During the same day, you can be truly happy for a number of reasons and just as sad for another bunch of reasons. A day can be a good day when compared to other, worse days, and it can also feel like the worst ever, compared to those in which you feel great overall. It is the same with the wedding day: it is not “the best day of your life”, it is merely a day which, in fact, can be very, very exhausting!

Get a hold of yourself, people! Get real! If the wedding day was indeed the best day of one’s life, as it usually occurs (for the first time, mind you) pretty early in an adult’s life, what would that make all the following days feel like? I’d say that the rest of his or her miserable days of existence — while slaving for a company, trying to put some food on the table, washing insane amounts of dirty clothes and generally having a crappy, boring, repetitive and not fulfilling life — would feel, I don’t know, pretty pointless? Pretty dull? If you’ve already went through your best day, how would the rest of them feel like compared to it?

If my best day — or week, or month, as they are of course just as valid in the race for “besting” the rest of them, for having the honour of being called the best ever: “bestest” —- were to occur now, in my twenties, I would not want to live anymore. For real! It would feel like a futile enterprise. If it occurred in my fifties or so, I would still want to live some more, yeah, ’cause it would feel like I worked in order to get to that particular point in my life and I’d still want to continue experiencing other, albeit less thrilling days. But I don’t think that the best day of one’s life can be “guessed”…it is not set in stone to be a particular day (as in the wedding day) or to materialize itself in a particular way. The best day of YOUR life comes and goes without you realizing that it was the best one. And that’s the beauty of it! 🙂

There may be multiple, equally satisfying “best” days during one’s life. They may be different, antipodal even, they may not have nothing in common or everything in common. They may even be copies of the same schedule, the same gratifying events happened once more. But come on, don’t say that your five weddings were,«all of them», your best days! Just…don’t!                                        *continues further down*⇓

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There are a lot of people who agree with me, but they are still a minority faced against a vast majority who does not. That majority would laugh in my face, no comment! It’s like people are brainwashed into thinking that wedding days (and thus marriages, in their entirety) are God given and that two people are united solely by God’s will. Fact is that, more often than not, two people are united by their own volition, ’cause of the dumbest, craziest, most idiotic reasoning possible. It is they and they alone who choose to be “united in marriage”, not God. He would not, could not and should not make such stupid match-ups! A wedding day can be the best day of one’s life, if it is meant to be so, but while living it you would not realize that it was so. You would think that, well, it was great, but you would certainly hope for more to come! More of the same or better to come! A healthy mind would not wish upon itself to experience the peak of its existence and then plunge into recession, awaiting death. It’s a pity that there are not so many healthy minds to speak of!

Generally speaking, relationships are a mess. That is why one may find the greatest day of one’s life occurring while single or, at any rate, far from one’s life partner. That is, if the superlative best in “best day” could be quantified, measured, calculated, at least estimated; which as I previously said, it most realistically could not be. You may be climbing the Qomolangma, der Stirn des Himmels, namely Mount Everest, you may be in some ®God-forsaken-not-fully-explored-tenebrous-scares-the-hell-out-of-me© cave on some lost tropical island, you may be in outer-space looking down on us mortals (or, like I was at some point, flying over the partially fog-blanketed Alpine Range at dawn) and you might feel like one of those moments is the greatest of your life. The single greatest thing you’ve experienced. And in such places there’s usually no wife in sight, and even if she were, you would not be able to undress her there, not even in your mind, because that brain of yours would rather enjoy the miracle of nature than stare at some curves you’d already seen time and again! Not that they’re not appetizing! 🙂

Some might find their best day occurring in their eighties, while watching a stupid show on TV, their partners alongside them, both waiting for the following day to come, which in fact, is said to be your gold wedding anniversary. The best part about it might not have anything to do with the festive following day, when your kids and your nephews would join you in a joyful, but awfully tiresome party. It might just be that quiet evening, the eve of your anniversary, when you turn off the TV and start telling your wife/your husband that you’d never have imaged that you would last so long together. And sooo happily at that! You’re too fatigued to bang your wife any more, of course, and well, it would not feel right any more, but you love her just as much as you did in the first year of your love story. And you’d realize that the best thing has been happening for you continuously, for years and decades!     *continues further down*⇓

Holding-Hands

When you look back there was no peak day, no best day, no almighty wedding-day. In fact, your wedding day was kinda’ crappy, the cake was ruined, the dress was stained after five minutes in church, some of the guests were behaving like two-year-olds and pretty much everything else seemed sooo wrong at the time. You could’ve though that you were wrong for one another, that that was God’s way of telling you to cancel the wedding, to stop the damn thing which you made up out of thin air. Some people even had the audacity to tell you just that, that you had made a terrible mistake — as if they were some kind of ×symbols & signs interpreting experts×! Fuck them, even if such “experts” were to exist, your marriage turned out to be an extraordinary one, so they should be ashamed of their “expertise”! You had not just a single best day, a one time occurrence, a mistake-of-nature turned right. You’ve had hundreds of them…and you didn’t even work for them all that hard! Everything came naturally! So of course you and your spouse believe that very evening in your eighties to be the best day of your lives.

The actual gold wedding anniversary was just as crappy as all the other weddings anniversaries you’ve celebrated, starting from the actual wedding and continuing with the cotton, paper, leather, fruit & flowers, wood, sugar, woolen, salt, cooper, tin, silk & fine linen, crystal, china, silver, pearl, coral, ruby, sapphire wedding anniversaries… & of course it was crappy, you are old now and you spent the whole night talking about your lives, recollecting past events, talking about so many great events you went through that you barely slept that night. So when the guests arrived next morning, you seemed like two typically dead-tired old human-beings who could not stand on their feet without help from one of your offsprings. If you were to reach the next anniversary on the wedding anniversaries calendar, the emerald one, you’d probably feel even worse…God forbid you’d reach your engraved marble anniversary, the 90th, as it would feel like…well, like you were both made of granite. Tombstones in their own right. There’s a reason why the 85th one is named Wife’s Birthstone: it’s not because she was born on that day, but because she (and you) should be in your graves after such a long life, and, dunno, for those who believe in reincarnation, be reborn somewhere else, somehow else.

I’m not afraid, ashamed or any of that mushy stuff to say that tears are falling down my cheeks as I’m writing this. You know, this kind of relationship, where two people love each other for such a long time, is in fact so rare that I kinda idealize it. Divinize it. I feel like I deserve one (not that I know why should I be deserving it, what is it that makes me sooo mighty worthy…), but I somehow feel like I do. I probably won’t experience such a fairy-tale, in fact, I’m pretty sure it won’t be the case, but a man is allowed to wish for something, right? I can fantasize about a phantasmagoria fantasy, a phantasm of another world where such a thing could materialize, can I not? I’m into fantasy & all that stuff, if it’s not clear by now…

I just wish to thank the one who made my past week feel so good and at the same time apologize to my sister for my being so grouchy. It is not like I can explain it, even I, the most rational, logical, level-headed of beings (I’m being sarcastic!).

Cheers & be happy! Now! Anytime! Forever!

PS: not all wedding cakes look like the following one…in fact, most are crappy, artificial, no-passion-put-into-them kind of cakes! Better to have a watermelon slice like the one below than one of those hatchejob-of-cakes! ——btw, the “ℑ” in the title stands for imaginary. The best day of your life is a lie, it’s just your imagination! Grow up! 🙂

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